May 23rd, 2002

blad

(no subject)

yesterday was okay. the psychology test went fine and it felt great when it was over. now it's just the german speech tomorrow and then i can relax a bit more and focus on more important things. like the future. oh this big word. i'm going to a job-information-meeting today and i don't know what to say because i can't decide about working in sweden until saturday when i'll meet an austrian person, but even then he might not be able to tell me anything about specific jobs, and i'll walk around not-knowing how things will end up and it makes me sort of frustrated. besides if i work in july i might not have anywhere to live, and ah, i just want money in an endless amount right now.

things are getting dreamy and way too complicated here. i'll speed up next week, maybe sleep alot and then get the darn graduation done [right now it just feels like one of these things that has to be done to move on to the next step] and then think think and plan things. it's all too much for the moment, and for some reason it seems many people are against me, parents and others, they don't understand me, or they are never satisfied however much i try, or they always have something to complain about in my plans.

usually i keep things to myself, it's not like it works telling others, or so i've noticed. my sister [one of them] is very supporting though, in a you-can-make-it kind of way. me like. there are different kinds of optimists, for sure..

sometimes i just want to scream out things to people, then an icq friend and my diary get stuffed. thankfully those two don't complain. ach, and another person i care super much about is down and i just want to help him terribly much but i don't know if i can.

oh and i'll get a digital camera soon. it's great, but it feels very..strange right now. but i know they want to give me a "lasting" graduation present. and it's expensive. yes. ach...money.

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