June 16th, 2002

blad

no, i've never met anyone quite like you before.

this weekend has been an emotional mess. my stomach has shrunk so i can't eat as much as before, i feel full immediately. losing weight again, the sink is full of dirty dishes, my room is a mess, my bed stays unmade all day, the balcony is dirty, i walk around all day undressed, i don't brush my teeth, i fall asleep crying, and i cuddle with my sheep. and i've got a restless, bored, strange, sick feeling hanging over me. it might be the weather. the pressure from the clouds full of rain. but i like the rain... it might be the weeks which have to pass before i can do something that feels important to me. because this sure isn't. so i will continue my life as a day-dreaming zombie, lying in bed fifteen hours out of twentyfour, waiting for better days to come. i wish time was faster than this. but at times i feel okay and even happy. right now i discovered there was still some smell left in the sheep. mmm. that smell.

watching new order live on hultsfred on z-tv, to make time go. lots of memories to these songs. temptation is probably my favourite.
  • Current Music
    joy division - she's lost control
blad

(no subject)

i have been walking outside twice today. in the rain. it's so lovely, almost no people out, the birds singing in the darkness and shadows. and this evening there was evening sun shining from the sky far away but dark clouds over here and rain falling.. i was just out on a walk alone down here, inhaling the fresh air, loving the loneliness and lacking of other human beings walking around. just me. and the birds and the snails. i went up to the little hill to say hello to some snails, and before i knew it i had killed one by walking on it! oh no! the place was full of snails, so i carefully slipped back to safety. but at least i said hello to one snail, he put only his eye-tentacles out and stared at me, i think he was a bit scared. [who wouldn't be?] then i damned the fact that i was a human [once again] because otherwise i would have stayed under the trees all night. some time i will dress in green and go into the shadows and just sit there. i think i'm in love with nature. how sweet of me.
  • Current Music
    l'ame immortelle - dusk embraces loneliness