June 27th, 2002

blad

(no subject)

8 days left now. it's exciting and lovely but yet sad and you know...i'll leave stuff here.

there are so many things i want to do but i feel like i haven't really the time. to finish my stories, to make that photo page, to cuddle with svartnos, to sleep alot, to go through things, to meet people and have fun with them, everything. but still, i'm happy and so, i just don't sleep so well, so much on my mind.

i spend my days at work. and spending is really the right word because that's what i do, as many hours as possible each day. today i sort of slept for maybe 30 minutes in a class room on the third floor, no one is there and they think i'm cleaning anyway. i was so tired..and when i leave the place i get totally awake again so when i'm home i'm all hyper and can't relax. might be because of my new cd i just burned, needed some mind-blowing fast music.

oh this girl from serbia that i worked with the first two days [soon 2 weeks ago, wah, these weeks have gone fast!] was cleaning with me in the window where you can see into the windows at balettakademien. and she said like "all of those guys who are dancing ballet are gay", and i was like "hmmmmmmmm" and explained about my friends and loved ones, and then she apologised and said things were different in serbia, and she was brought up there with different views on everything. and i understand that, i mean i would have been quite different if i was brought up in serbia, for sure. the more i hear about other countries the more i realise sweden is a great country to live in, and now i'll leave. not for good though, i couldn't leave sweden for all my life, really. however many things that are bad here, it's still...good.

and i've started to dream in german even, i think i'm practising without really realising it, and it's all so easy to speak when it's still in my head, and when i say things loud it's like baaaaaahhhhhuh. i want to speak german all the time ahh i'm dying i hate to speak english with him. so i'll really work with this, it's important to me, it really is. i might buy a book in german soon, this week even. yes. sigh...

now i'll eat a dinner pie again. alone..but soon i won't be alone anymore.
i love those felix pies. or maybe i should eat pizza today?

i don't want people to be sad, and yet i know how they feel, sometimes you're being miserable for ages and you are fine with it...but it can also make you go mad. mmm.. now i sure have something to look forward to, so maybe my miserable entries here won't be so miserable in a while, hopefully.

now i'll call anna and see if she's forgotten me entirely.

and gah, still no new icons. i'm tired. too tired.

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  • Current Music
    theatre of tragedy - machine [vnv nation remix]