September 27th, 2002


i want to be an expert in the ecology of the scandinavian forests.

being alone without clemens for 4 days leaves much time for thinking, but also much time for missing him terribly. what does it matter that i sleep better alone in our too-small bed when i can't touch his tummy? sunday night he'll come back.

i've worked one month in hennes&mauritz now. it's so unbelievable when i think about it. i just read some entries from the last 2 months and realised that despite my bad confidence and me feeling lost i am now working in austria speaking german every day, talking to strangers and even answering the phone. and all because i have to. if there is no other way then i go through things. i would never have thought that of me. i'm proud. i guess no one but me have noticed the change, but soon i'll prove that things have changed. at least a little.

now a new time will start, a time of studying. again. homework and grammar. and also, things will be super hectical here until november because clemens have to study nearly every day. sigh. what can i do meanwhile? go out and learn my camera maybe. or even better: write stories in german. but right now i don't feel like writing so much, more like drawing, i might do that soon.

i long until my parents come here. only two weeks left, a little less. warm clothes. talking swedish, having fun. poor clemens who have to study.

hmm i mentioned clemens extra much in this entry, that might be because i miss him.

this week i got two letters from my parents, one from josefin, one from stina and one from mormor. it was almost too much at the same time, i'll live on this for weeks! and lots of photos it was. of svartnos, emma and filip, klara...ahhhh i want to see them all again. christmas.

thinking of christmas makes me both happy and sad. happy because i love christmas time and winter and seeing my family again, sad because clemens told me he didn't want to go with me to sweden. maybe on new years eve though... but as usual i drew pictures too early. i have to stop with such things, see the entry below.

i think about the future. how will i be able to study when being away from him four days is too much? i don't want the horrible long distance relationship again. i don't want it. i think it made me sort of mad or sick. so does thinking of the future.. i don't have money to go to austria every weekend. gah.

it might sound strange but i wish i was older and finished with my darn studies.

tomorrow i'll dance away my misery on the das ich concert.

but now, i will go and sleep.

and maybe look like this:

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