August 31st, 2005


(no subject)

feeling better, but still empty. tomorrow, the uni starts, which means i get my student money next week (finally!). i don't feel any motivation for reading and learning right now, i want to continue like this, seeing friends every day and talk talk talk about anything and the world. i also want my stockholm friends to come here sometime soooon, or at least later when everything is a little bit less chaotic here in the flat and in my life.

i'm currently planning what i want to buy later, i want to spoil myself now, because i need it. i want new posters for my room, i want luxurious body shop products for my skin, and nice new make up, i want alot of new clothes and new bras. it's not just to feel better, i've been wanting clothes for ages, i wear the same boring 5 things over and over again and my bras are all really bad and fall to pieces (H&M...). i can probably just get half of what i want, but i'm damn worth it, and i will not feel bad about wasting money this time. i have to tell myself over and over again that i'm strong, and then i'm strong. still, have to be careful with money, and i hate it, especially this time.

right now, i want to fall asleep with the nice feeling that comes after watching a good movie, and i want to be held when i fall asleep, or at least sleep in the same bed as another person, it would make me really relaxed. sigh. :( sometimes i find it annoying that swedes and swedish friends are not as physical with each other as in austria, where (at least in some circles of friends) lying on each other in the sofa is totally okay and cosy.

if anyone has some good music tips i'd be glad, i can't listen to any old music anymore, i'm just watching TV constantly, and it drives me mad, maaaaad.

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    awake awake