September 13th, 2005

blad

(no subject)

the last entry was too pathetic so i made it private. i hope it's not visible any more.

i just got probably the last thing i'll ever get from clemens: a package with stuff i told him to collect in the flat in vienna. i knew exactly what would be in it so it felt ok. i wanted some of the mutts comic albums that we've collected over the years, i love mutts. but we've been so inspired by those comic strips to many jokes/cute voices/poses and funny things in our relationship that i almost start to cry when i read a few strips, which feels shitty, because i love mutts. i guess i'll be able to read them later some time.

i also need to:
> make a new homepage (*panic*), and therefore:
> make a new livejournal design

> create new livejournal icons. this is so hard! i want to have three, for different moods. but to have photos of myself is boring. i guess i'll just end up with one single picture, but that will irritate me over time. ah well. dagens i-lands-problem.

> find a good solution for storing of my my little ponies. none of my friends here understand the kitsch value of having these. they thought it was toys from my childhood that i bring to växjö because i can't part with them, heheh... but i don't call them names and that's a good sign, right? only my stuffed animals are alive to me ^____^

i ordered the cute swedish synthpop album: thermostatic - joy toy. include both great and weak songs, but the cd sleeve is so nice, and i don't regret that i ordered the cd to support them.

---------------------

now i'll paint a small shelf i bought to have the robots on. then i'll paint my big pin board or whatever it's called. i love painting things, it's so relaxing to work with the hands. i wish i had a sewing machine, then i'd start sewing. knitting and such is not really my thing, i think.

what is my thing, really? i think i have a good sense for colours and forms, i can draw a little and i could probably draw better if i started to practice alot. i write well compared to many others, but not well enough to write novels. i can do webdesign but i know very very little. the reason to why my pages look ok is because i have learned exactly that very little that was necessary to create what i did, and because of that sense for colours and forms. i also think i sing quite well and would enjoy doing that more, but most places where you can learn to sing better are either in bands or in choirs and that is not really what i'm looking for. i also would like to dance professionally, it's a secret dream of mine, but it's so expensive to go to dance classes.

i do find human rights important, but somehow i feel am too egoistic to activate myself with this on a full-time basis. i love animals, but i can't work full-time with them because i didn't do the nature line in high school and i don't want to go through the chemistry and stuff that is necessary to work with them. society fascinates me, but maybe not enough to do research about those things.

i feel a bit lost. it's time for me to say "WOW i want to learn this and that and now i'll do it!" but nothing happens! people around me are so motivated, so full of WILL and PASSION and CREATIVITY.

ahhhhh!!

-
  • Current Music
    thermostatic - metal skin