September 19th, 2005

blad

(no subject)

i have a discussion seminar tomorrow, madde and i discussed 13 questions out of 20, high on black tea and lots and lots of sugar (cookies, cakes, bakery stuff). i have 120 pages left in the book (half) but right now i don't care. it is interesting and all, and what i read but i feel so restless, like i should do something more valuable with my time, find some meaning and stuff. the seminar will be okay, the teacher is stupid and does most of the talking, taking away the word "discussion" in the discussion seminar.

after the seminar i'm going to the riding school again. still haven't found my riding pants (or heard anything about them..) that is annoying because i ride worse without them. i always have big doubts about my riding possibilities, hesitating if i should continue with it or not (it's expensive.), but then i walk into the stable and feel that smell and those calm eyes of the horses, and even though i ride like shit, the feeling of just sitting there on top of the world is enough and worth those money.

today i realised i had 110 euros left and my next load of money (...i have to pay back) arrives on the 23rd. and of course i can't keep that money for so long, so i ordered three (yes you heard me..) rocky-albums for myself. dangit, i'm worth them. rocky rules. but i do feel bad when i consume things, i guess i always will, somehow.

i'm sort of realising now how it feels to be the one without a partner in a constallation of friends who all have partners. i do love my växö friends they are so nice to me but being too much with them right now makes me feel empty. thankfully i have paula who i can be miserable with. it's not the cry-together-slice-up-wrists type of misery, more like watching "the bachelor" and "that 70s show" on tv and cry to it ~___^ and i miss naomi, anna, tomas and marit, i wish you could all come here!

and we've made the flat really nice now with as little money as possible, almost for free! got stuff from friends and bought cheap on second hand. photos will come later. next week on sunday my mum will come here, bringing the drilling machine, and with lots of grrrl power we will bring the remaining parts of the flat in order. on tuesday my spanish course starts, finally. i can say two things: "hola!" and "gracias". i wouldn't last long in spain.....

as for the rest and my soul and my head, i can conclude it with: "ggaraaaarrrghghghghghhhhhhh!"
i have this extreme need of being held, but no one here is really suitable......mum where are you?

i do have "råttan" but he's so small.


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  • Current Mood
    keeping together.