December 10th, 2005


(no subject)

i'm falling in love with anything and anyone for short moments. it's good but i can also be annoying >__< i guess it's a good sign though. it's been many good signs lately.

i am bubbling with creativity, but once again i don't know how to channel it down to proper results. i can't decide what i should focus on, or rather, i'm find it boring to get stuck with one thing, i want to have a broad knowledge and a varied talent, which in the end leads to the fact that i'm not focusing on anything at all, afraid of that being the thing for me. i consider myself having varied talent on an okay level already (i can write, draw, play an instrument, sing, and design things), but it's not enough. and apart from all this, i also have things i want to try out that i can't as a result of having no money. (taking different dance-courses, singing-lessons, drama-classes, etc). i've been whining about all this before, but people and things i see inspire me and it's frustrating to not produce any results whatsoever.

the last week has been great, and the weeks until christmas will be great, also. it's just, something is lacking. something clever, something meaningful, something with depth, something...romantical...? i guess i'm just not used to having to focus so much on other things. but if i could only channel my thoughts......gah, what the heck, I GIVE UP! >___<

i sing and sing and i play the flute and wish that i'd live for a thousand years to have time for all those things i want to do. and i miss vienna lots! and i want it to snow again! and i'm not sure of my feelings for some people! and i hate that i'm not keeping up with my stockholm friends more! and the spanish course is over but i can't speak spanish! and my room is childish and horrible and i hate my furniture! and i'm so confused and i wish all people were brutally honest and said what they think of me, always, because i'm not sure of anything! and i want to have sex with someone that is not i!

mission impossible. ah well. life will throw me around and upside down fivehunderedandfortytwo times more before it ends, and before that i will be dizzy anyway, so why not start to feel sick already.

the best view of a room is from below a rabbit.

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